Day 12: Temptation is life!

This morning I got through my stall (damn cookie) and I lost 1 pound (188.0)! So very happy. I was worried the cookie was going to ruin my chances forever!

However the past two days have been a lesson in temptation. Yesterday my pantry was really getting low and I decided I had to slay the dragon and just go to the grocery store. Going there felt like I was a crack addict hanging out with my drug dealer and saying "no thanks, I'm good." While I have been trying hard to feed my kids the healthy food I am eating, its not fair for them to have to restrict themselves so much. So I got them all the usual things, but I found myself feeling a sense of loss because I wanted to prepare my regular meals and feed them to myself and my kids. I still purchased the items but I felt like I was missing out.

The store took a long time and when we left it was 7:20 pm. I didn't want to feed my kids at 8:30 pm so I decided to return to an old friend and get McDonalds for my family. I was so scared to go. I ordered my kids their food and got ready to meet the biggest temptation of all... french fries. Then something surprising happened. I got the food and as the bag passed my face I realized that it really didn't smell very good at all. My body was actually rejecting this???!!! I was so happy. I didn't even touch the fries or burgers. It was hard to go back to the house and make myself something to eat but I did it!

Todays temptation was hard too. I have class from 4-10pm with an hour of drive time on top of that. Usually my classmate and I will stop for food along the way and someone brings dinner to class for everyone. Not anymore. Also today was the last day of class so the amount of food increased. My teacher brought biscotti and chocolate and the dinner was pulled pork sandwiches, pasta salads and fruit. It was very difficult to sit back and eat my orange roughy fish and tomatoes, but I did it!!!

What the past two days have taught me is that no matter what the situation I will be faced with some form of food temptation, but I also know that I have the power to resist. I CAN DO HARD THINGS!! I hope this optimism lasts and I can resist cheating. This is the longest I have dieted without a major fall off the wagon so I am very proud of myself.

Day #10/ Noticing changes

Well today I took my measurements but until I see changes I think I will keep them to myself.

However, here are the changes I have noticed- may or may not be due to the diet

1. I feel so awesome!!! I don't think I have felt this good physically or emotionally for YEARS!
2. Water tastes good.
3. I am enjoying the taste of other things. Sweet, salty, spicy.... This weekend I made lemonade and it tasted so sweet and refreshing, but my family thought it wasn't sweet enough. I think the diet is readjusting my sense of taste to reflect what I am actually eating. Less is more.
4. Normally I produce more sweat than others. Usually I have to reapply deodorant in the afternoon to prevent body odor. Not now!
5. Cooking all my food and not eating out creates a lot of dishes but my wallet has more money in it.
6. Organic food isn't too expensive. Thank you Sunflower Market.
7. My kids will eat healthy food.

I am loving the changes in my life. I really had serious doubts that I could do this. Today my weight did not change at all. I am still at 189.4. However, I am taking this in stride and I am just going to enjoy the journey.

I am not a copy cat (First week)

Well... maybe I am, but I want to do it anyhow. My friend Brooke is also blogging about her HCG experience (watchbrookeshrink.blogspot.com) and I think the blog gives her a place that she can just send her thoughts out into the world and process her stress and feelings that way. This diet experience is very stressful and draining and I know that I wouldn't be able to do it without being able to share with others what I am going through.

So here goes:

I am on day #9 of the injections, which means that I am on day #7 of the very low calorie diet (VLCD). This past week has been really difficult and it feels like it has been a very long time since I started.
The first two days were the hardest to cope with. I didn't prepare well because the loading weekend was Easter weekend and we were on a trip. So on Monday I had to go to the store and get all of my supplies. This was VERY difficult. First, I was hungry in a supermarket (never a good idea). Second, it was very hard to pass up my usual purchases of processed foods and sugar and fat loaded items. I was now choosing organic meat, fruit and vegetables only. It was a major shift in my thinking. I am SO glad that I had done some reading and knew that I would need a George Foreman grill. Lucky me, it was on sale for $30! Then I went home and prepared my food for the next few days. My friend came over while I was doing it and made me really scared because all she could say was "That is all you are going to eat today?!" I went to work and felt really deprived all day. I wanted to return to my old habits SO badly. I just wanted to fill the hole. However, this was all psychological because I wasn't physically hungry in any way. The early evening went well and my kids actually enjoyed the fish I cooked and I resisted the pasta that I served to them. Then I went for my first infrared sauna treatment at my friend's house. I have heard that these treatments help people who are doing the HCG and my friend lets me do them for $25/ea, which is way cheaper than other places I have seen. Anyhow, I returned to a home filled with the aroma of freshly baked cookies. My daughter had made the family a treat and instantly shoved one into my face begging me to just eat one. I had ONE bite.... oops. I felt horrible but I think I would have felt worse if I hadn't done it. Darn cookies!
Day 2 was a little better and it was awesome because I got on the scale and I had lost weight!! It was remarkable. I was down 2 whole pounds!!! That gave me motivation to keep trying. I did well on day 2 but it was still so psychologically hard. I know that I have a food addiction and giving up my food is such a hard process. Especially my favorites which are not allowed until Phase 4!!! (bread, potatoes, etc).
Day 3- I guess it was good because I have very little recollection. All I know is I didn't cheat and I made some awesome burgers for my son and I on the George Foreman. Funny how my life still revolves around food a little?
Day 4- I had a very busy day and I think this is harder because you have to prepare in advance to have something to eat. I am a social worker and I was visiting people at their homes until 1:30 pm. I didn't have any food with me. BIG MISTAKE. I was starving when I finally got back to the office. I think I will carry some melba toasts in my car to avoid this problem in the future. However, busy days are great because I don't think about eating as much. I am concerned with other things.
Day 5- Friday, I had no problems. I don't even remember what I ate. Thats awesome to me!
Day 6- Saturday. My weight is 189.4. This is the lowest amount I have weighed in 5 years!! I felt so happy I shared the news with everyone I saw. I also tried some new recipes. I enjoyed lemonade, steak, and I bought some tea flavors. I am an avid coffee drinker but I just can't enjoy it without cream so I am going to replace it with tea for now.
Day 7- Sunday. I get on the scale and I had only lost .2 (189.2). While this is still a loss I was disappointed because it didn't reflect the 1-2 pounds I had been losing each day. However I didn't let it get me down. I was so very proud of myself because I resisted pancakes, butter, soda, etc. The weekends are going to be the hardest for me because it is hard to watch my family enjoy food and not participate. I cheated on cookies again because my daughter surprised us all at Sunday family movie night with more fresh baked cookies. She was so very sweet. She made everyone else pancake sized cookies, but made me a regular sized one. How could I say no when she tried so hard to meet my needs? I don't know, but somehow I will have to find a way.

Overall I am VERY happy with my results from HCG. I have lost 9 lbs total. I haven't taken my measurements yet (even though I keep saying I will). For sure I am doing it tonight because I need to know all of my results. Weight today is 189.4. Yes this is a gain, but since today isn't over I am not going to blog until tonight or tomorrow.